Holding on

I have been taking a lot of pictures of George sleeping, the first of which was taken on my first day home as a full-time mother.  George is growing up entirely too fast for my taste, but there are two times when he still looks like the baby I knew this time last year—when he’s all wrapped up in his hoodie towel after bath time and when he’s sleeping.

I think these pictures must be my subconscious trying to hold on to that baby morphing into a boy before my very eyes.

I didn't get the camera in time for these shots, but I still see that "baby."  The paci doesn't hurt.

My children are growing every day and it’s just about to kill me.  Silly, I know.  But I am also certain that every parent who read that last sentence knows exactly what I feel.  We want our babies to grow, to learn, to excel at whatever potential lies within their bodies and brains.  But wonderful, wise Mother Nature has also instilled in us a great sadness when we watch them change and I often find myself wondering why that instinct exists.  Perhaps it is to prevent us well-meaning but flawed parents from sending them out into the world too early before they have learned everything they need to know from us.

Ms. Nature has no worries from this writer – I am holding on to mine as long as they will let me.  But not really, right?  And in fact, nearly every moment I have with the children involves pushing them towards independence.  Frances is learning how to cook, pick out and put on her own clothes, read and write, and use the computer (ugh).  George is happily picking up his toys after himself, getting in and out of the bathtub, combing his own hair and soothing himself to sleep at naptime and bedtime with a good book (that’s my boy!).  And they are both learning their place in the family, their place in the world, how to resolve conflicts without my intervention and that a little politeness goes a long way.  All of this leads me to the conclusion that I really have no one to blame for my children’s growth but their parents - oh, the irony!

So, for now I will just keep taking my pictures in the vein attempt to freeze these moments in time.  I hope George doesn’t start putting up a fight.  Or at least begin questioning my sanity.